A reawakening? Or maybe just advancing

So as I entered the surgery room I notice the room is bare except for a diagram of a human's head, a chair, and surgical instruments used to inflict pain. I have had a temperature of 103 degrees Fahrenheit for a little over twenty-four hours, I have not had anything to eat or drink within this time frame as well, and am ready for this all to end. The novacaine does nothing as I squirm in the chair, too much for him to puncture an area around the abscess in my throat. He say's, "I will be back in a few minutes." Hmm...Oh shit this could be bad. He comes back into the room with a a plier like instrument but...it has a knife on one side this really shall be fun! He pries my mouth open as if I am a dog and shoves the instrument into my throat. "Hmm there it is but I can't get the puss to come out hmmmmm, oh, here it is" and I instantly vomit the most disgusting, smelling, PUSS mixed with blood out of my mouth.

This is worse than any Saturday or Sunday morning I can remember and it is only 1 O'Clock on a Wednesday afternoon and I haven't even been drinking. As I walk out of the room one of the nurses says to me, "This is as close to death as you may ever feel" Well that is a nice way to end the operation. It gets me thinking though about life and death. As we have recently been reading Genesis (supposed to be well into Exodus now I believe) I have learned numerous things about the Christian Birth and how I should be living by certain standards which I most definitely d0 not because I have been a selfish bastard choosing to do what I like to do and do it when I like to.

As I started and finished Exodus all I could think of was the Catholic high-school I attended and all the rules. Is this all the Bible is? A list of rules for us to live by? Can our "selfish" Godthink of nothing better for us to do than bow down at his every request just to acknowledge his presence in our life and he is our only god? At least he does prove his love for us by delivering the Israelites safely away from the land of the abusive Egyptians. Though their doubt in God almost gets them into trouble as they continue to ask Moses whether waiting in the desert for the Egyptians to slaughter them on the edge of the Red Sea is better than being a slave? But my question is...is it better to be a slave than die? I personally feel I would rather die but that is because I have lived. During high-school I took a class on ethics and one of the great questions we talked about for weeks on end was whether we would enslave a girl/boy in dark basement where they would never see the day of light...if we as a community could live in perfect health, wealth, and harmony (etc...). I was one of the few who chose to enslave the girl/boy and I will now defend my position. If a person has never truly lived can they really miss life? From day one the girl would be in darkness and would not know about the NFL or the beauty music can bring to a person's life so how can (s)he be really missing out on life? (S)he has not experienced any of the beautiful things in life so I truly feel if we could all in peace and each one of us actually enjoys our life and does not waste it...then it is the worth wasting one person's life.

As I think of how much an asshole this makes me...I am not sure if it does or not because I feel I am actually a decent person for all the horribly messed up things I have done in my life but for all the horrible events I have done I would have to say I have done at least three positive. I also make sure if I am going to do something bad that the only person it can affect is me (for the most part). I say for the most part because there are always those around you whom you love (friends/family) and they may be affected by an action. But I would never purposely go out and intentionally hurt someone. I have never been in a fight, I have never gone after someone intending to hurt them physically (or emotionally).

So what I am trying to get after is we as humans have set our own list of rules and God's personal list he accumulated with Moses is a good starting point but as Dr.Sexson said in class today it is a good thing we (humans intellectually) were not around in the time of creation because he has made us smart enough to challenge and perhaps correct God for some of his actions but did start us in the right direction and we are going to continue to advance whether God is real or not. If he is then he would be proud as well as disappointed with where we have gone in our lives but we as humans continue to try and improve ourselves daily and we will soon succeed and make ourselves somewhat respectable.